Crime -- the more horrendous the better -- plus fires, accidents, big weather events and sports rivalries are the mainstays of local news reports just about everywhere in America. Without them, reporters would have little to talk about beyond county commissioner meetings, municipal sewage problems and traffic tie-ups on the beltway.
This time of year, seasonal food and topics in education also make their way into the headlines. And if this past week is any example, I'm not sure that's always a good thing.

One of the "most popular" stories here recently was about a local guy who ate 35 local chili dogs in one sitting at his local bar -- he is now a local celebrity. The photo of him with his buddies in the bar -- his cheeks bulging with one of those "dogs" -- earned him his 15 minutes of Warhol-predicted fame.
This big story came on the heels of a bunch of food-related articles during the annual State Fair, where every year excited locals line up to try the most outrageous and, if news reports are to be believed, the most delicious grub ever invented on the face of this good Earth.
This year's favorite bite? Chocolate-covered bacon. Tip? Don't cook the bacon too much; something about its sogginess makes the semi-sweet coating taste even better.
Few local reporters waste ink or airtime asking locals if they really should be stuffing their face with such "food" every autumn, but then I'm just a spoilsport who doesn't appreciate the ingenuity that goes into combining pork and candy.
Our state agricultural commissioner was quoted as exclaiming: "Believe me, I've tasted it, and it's wonderful." Since the pork industry runs this state, I'm thinking he might have an interest in promoting this newfangled way to serve pig. Never hear him say much about eating more fruits and vegetables.There were also candy bars dipped in funnel-cake batter, including deep-fried Oreos, deep-fried Snickers and deep-fried Ho-Hos, plus deep-fried pickles, deep-fried bananas and deep-fried macaroni and cheese.
"Anything you can fry and put on a stick, they'll buy," said one vendor proudly. (Not sure how you get mac 'n cheese on a stick but anything's possible at the State Fair.)
While October's mass gluttony is now moldy news -- though it still sticks in my craw -- a story in this morning's papers brought up the question of how to improve our schools' educational standards and ensure our children get the best education money can buy.

It seems that a local middle school has hit on a novel approach to raising the funds needed for digital cameras in the computer lab, especially when last year's candy sale didn't work. (Maybe they needed to deep-fry those Hershey Kisses. Just a thought.)
So, the idea is to have parents fork over 20 bucks to buy their kids an extra 20 points on their grades -- that would mean 10 extra points on two tests of the student's choosing and possibly raise a B to an A, for example, or an F to a D.
Apparently, a parent advisory group concocted the plan and the principal endorsed it, saying it wouldn't make any difference on the student's final grade.
A spokes
person for the state Department of Public Instruction said she understands that schools are struggling with the recession but questioned whether selling grades might teach students the wrong lesson.Kids have until November 20th to get their money in. Less than a week before Thanksgiving.
Deep-fried chocolate-coated turkey legs anyone?
Late-breaking news: County school administrators just nixed the grade-selling activities in our nearby town, thanks to all of the publicity. Now that is a very good thing.




















































